Wow....being single and a mother is very difficult in a small town.  I've known that for a while, but them I begin to have faith and believe that someone will be different so I give dating another shot.  But once again, here I am sitting and wondering what came over me to think it was a good idea to pay a babysitter to go and meet someone on a first date.  I guys I wanted to be sure I still knew how to get ready for a date!  HA! Let me say that I have an amazing time!  He was a gentleman, loved to laugh, we talked a ton and danced to almost every song the band played.  At one point he asked if I wanted to do something for Valentine's Day.  I told him I have Parent Teacher conference but maybe afterwards.   After we left the bar, we took his friend home, who had drank a bit too much.  He kissed me very soft and romantically in the snow falling softly from the sky.  THE MOST romantic kissing I have ever had.  He drove me crazy!  I hadn't expected to like him as much as I did.  I shouldn't have, I guess.  The usual, blow off the next day.  I have said it a million times but I will say it again...I HATE DATING.  Better yet...I don't hate dating, I hate dating someone and liking them but only to get blown off.  So typical for me.

I do believe in love very much.  True, romantic love that is not found very often, but when it is.....it will be the most amazing thing in the world.  Why do I let it get to me so much?  I wish I could say I didn't care no matter how much I like them.  After all, it's only one date.  But don't they all start with one?

I'm a great preacher to others, too.  I can hear exactly what I would tell me: "When the time is right, it will happen."  "When you least expect it, it will surprise you."  "At least you had a great date.  Many people would love to just have a great date."  "Don't think so deeply.  Just take it for what it was."  Oh yes, I am such a better counselor to everyone else than I am to myself!!  I want to cry.  But I haven't.  Why?  Because I didn't want to explain it to my kids.  Because I want to be the strong person I suggest everyone else should be.  Yet again....I would tell myself, "Just cry!  You will feel better!"  I crack myself up!!  For good sake!  Take your own advice!!  So now I will cry myself to sleep about being alone...not lonely...but alone.